The Text
The Generational Pattern
The Word of God tells us that the Lord Jesus Christ is made unto us wisdom (1 Cor. 1:30); that in Christ are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge (Col. 2:3). Proverbs is a challenging and important collection of discourses and wisdom sayings. To understand it properly we need to understand the family context in which the Holy Spirit inspired it. Throughout its 31 chapters a father, on behalf of himself and his wife, addresses his son or sons.
Verse 3 reveals that this is a generational responsibility: “For I was my father’s son.” If we understand these as historical persons, this would be Solomon saying that his father David taught him — and now Solomon is teaching his own sons. What we have is three generations: a grandfather who has spoken to his son, who is now a father speaking to his son. My father taught me this, and now I am teaching you. This is the biblical model. This is what fathers should seek to emulate: taking the wisdom of God, instilling it, praying and pleading with the Spirit of God to open their children’s hearts, teaching them to walk in wisdom, and in doing so instructing them that they will be doing this someday to their sons, and their sons to their sons. This is one of the ways the faith is passed from generation to generation.
The father’s responsibility is to teach his children to navigate life in this dangerous and sinful world according to God’s unchanging truth. Wisdom, one commentator says, is the art of living skillfully according to the Word of God.
Pursuing Woman Wisdom
Proverbs shows us a father teaching his son to pursue the right woman — and here that woman is Woman Wisdom. Look how the father writes: “Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee. Love her, and she shall keep thee… Exalt her, and she shall promote thee. She shall bring thee to honour, when thou dost embrace her. She shall give to thine head an ornament of grace; a crown of glory shall she deliver to thee.”
Son, here is a woman you want to know and pursue. As you would pursue your heart’s desire in a woman someday, pursue the wisdom of God wholeheartedly. If you exalt this woman, the amazing thing is she will exalt you. The more you love her and digest and internalise her, the more she brings you to honour. Young men: embrace the wisdom of God with all your heart.
The Necessity and Benefits of Family Worship
Family worship is unfortunately very much like church discipline — most people have never heard of it; those who practice it often get it wrong. But the benefits are immense when blessed of the Spirit of God.
For husbands and fathers: Family worship is one of the chief means by which the doctrine of Christ passes from one generation to the next. It helps the father learn to articulate God’s truth — men are not naturally good communicators, but sitting daily and articulating what you are reading sharpens and develops your thinking. It builds consistency and order in the home — soon the children are coming to you asking, Dad, are we going to have family worship? It bears the fruit of accountability: a father who leads family worship must learn to live openly and honestly before his children, for they will spot hypocrisy in a moment. And it trains children for public worship — children who learn to sit quietly and hear the Word of God at home can come and sit quietly in church.
For wives and daughters: A wife profits from hearing her husband open the Word of God and pray. She and her daughters learn to trust the head of the home for guidance. They hear his heart. There is a difference between mechanical religionism and a father who genuinely opens the Scriptures and his heart for his family. Wives and daughters profit from earnest fathers’ prayers — especially hearing a husband pray for his wife in her presence: Father, bless my dear wife today. Fill her with joy unspeakable. Give her help in the things she needs to do.
For children: Children profit from seeing their father and mother united in Christ — praying together, walking together. They learn authority at Daddy’s knee: this is what God says, this is what we do. They learn to trust God in every issue of life when they hear father and mother pray over grandma’s illness, over troubles in the family, over distant tragedies. And sometimes — sometimes, to everlasting life — they learn the very truths that God uses to open their hearts. George Calhoun, who started Mount Olive Tape Library, left home as a young rebel and lived a wicked life. But during a crisis, his mother’s sweet voice came back to him: What is man’s chief end? Man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. That was the hinge point of his conversion.
Making the Best of Limited Time
If you do not understand the importance of family worship, there is no point in learning how to do it efficiently. But seeing its necessity and its benefits, how can we make the best of limited time?
First, engage your children. Do not simply read at them while they stare into space. Ask questions: What did we read? Who was Joseph? What did his brothers do? What happened? As they grow older: What did we learn from this passage? How would you apply this to your life? Many a father has learned too late that children have mastered the childish art of riveting their eyes on you without listening to a word you say. Break that habit early.
Second, be consistent. Family worship must be the expression of your walk with God. If you have no walk with God, your family worship will be contentless and mechanical. If you open your heart as you open the Scriptures — if you let them hear you pray for your wife, for each child by name, for the mundane and the eternal — you are doing what their hearts need, even when it does not look that way in the moment.
Third, keep it simple. It does not have to be an hour. The cost is the price of a Bible, a few hymnals, and a heart commitment. A fervent and warm-hearted father with the simplest prayers — Lord, I thank you for my wife. Thank you for these children. Help us to serve you. Amen. — will bless his family more than elaborate religious performance. If you are alive in Christ, any man can do that. And it will bless your children, bless your wife, and it may, in the mercy of God, heaven-proof your home.