The Texts
Marriage in the Garden of Worship
God, in his omnipotent power, infinite wisdom, and creative goodness, designed and established the institution of marriage. He formed Adam out of the dust of the ground, created the garden, put Adam into it, made Eve from Adam’s side, and joined them together as man and wife. But the Garden of Eden is not simply literary background for this story. It was the blessed holy place where Adam and Eve would worship God and commune with him as husband and wife.
Every place God commanded to be created for his worship throughout Scripture — the tabernacle and the temple — contains the kind of things we find in the garden: fruit, plants pleasant to the eyes, gold. This is the very spiritual setting in which we must understand God’s creation of marriage. God wants married people to worship him and commune with him. Marriage, worship, and God are connected. It began this way and should continue. Marriage is not simply about the man and the woman — it is about the man, the woman, and their Creator, and what they as one owe him.
Hebrews 13:4 declares that God’s institution of marriage is honourable. The underlying Greek can mean either marriage is honourable or marriage is to be honoured — statement or commandment, the message is the same: Christ wants men and women to see his institution of marriage as an exceptional value to him as well as to us. And he will judge those who defile it. Sexual fidelity is required, it is vital, and God will judge those who do not keep their vows pure and exclusive.
How We Got Off the Biblical Path
A man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to a wife — but how many people leave to cleave without understanding what they are approaching? Courting in the biblical pattern always took place in the home of the spouse, under the eye of her father or mother. It was always a public matter; never alone. The automobile helped destroy that. A young man drives up, a young woman bounces out the door, and her parents have no clue about his genuine character.
The movie theatre made its own contribution: the first attraction to film was the ability to be alone, away from others in the dark, watching giant luminous images. The close-up showed the starlet’s face fifteen feet high — this intensified ideas of desirous embrace that had not been part of public culture in the same way before. Historian Clarence Carson notes that the roaring twenties saw courting make its shift from the family parlour to the family car — a purposeful end-run around the authority and protection of fathers.
Five Principles for a Biblical Pathway to Marriage
These five principles are not exhaustive, but they are crucial. Think them through, follow them in Scripture, and apply them prayerfully to your life — you will not need much more.
1. Piety. Piety is the older word for godliness — Paul’s one-word description of the Christian life in his pastoral epistles. It means an attitude arising from being born again and in union with Christ, making its way out into the way we live. For Paul, godliness meant knowing, loving, and obeying God through sound doctrine in the power of the Holy Spirit in every aspect of life. Calvin said: “True piety consists in a sincere feeling which loves God as Father as much as it fears and references him as Lord, embraces his righteousness, and dreads offending him worse than death.” Any Christian considering marriage must give himself or herself to godly living and then pursue a godly spouse — someone who has a true knowledge of God from Scripture, practises heartfelt worship, manifests repentance and saving faith, prayerfully submits to God’s Word, and exhibits a reverential love for God. When seeking a spouse: look for someone who loves Jesus Christ more than he or she loves you and lives a life to the glory of God.
2. Patricentrism. Old Testament scholar Daniel Block prefers this term to patriarchy: not simply dad at the top, but family life radiating outwardly from the father as spokes from a wheel. Everything regarding the family is centred in dad. The Bible consistently shows fathers governing the home, sons and daughters raised under the father’s authority, and families bearing the father’s stamp. Fathers: teach and model godliness to your sons and daughters, prepare your sons to be sober-minded and gentle but firm leaders, and prepare your daughters to be helpers to their future husbands. Mothers: support your husband in all these endeavours and build your children’s trust in their father’s leadership. The worst betrayal is a mother who undoes her husband’s leadership with the children when he is absent.
3. Purity. Men and women interested in marriage must keep themselves pure — governing mind and heart, avoiding sinful and sensual thoughts as well as wicked deeds. Our Lord said, “Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matt. 5:28). Holding hands, hugging, kissing — all the delights of the Song of Solomon — are appropriate within marriage and should be encouraged then. Scripture gives no evidence of romantic touching prior to marriage, because that is not yet your wife, that is not yet your husband. Christians have got this exactly backwards. Marriage and sexuality are ours — God created it and made it good. Always be ravished with the love of the wife of your youth (Prov. 5:18–19).
4. Preparedness. Being both spiritually and vocationally ready for marriage. God gave his law to Adam before he created Eve. He also gave Adam the responsibility of tending the garden — keeping the place where they worshipped God. Young men: cultivate godliness and be ready to establish, provide for, nurture, and discipline a wife and children according to the Word of God. Young women: study and pattern your lives according to biblical women — Sarah, Ruth, Esther, the woman of Proverbs 31, the women of Titus 2. Prepare to love a husband and love children.
5. Patience. Patience and contentment are rooted in knowing that God is sovereign in all things. He will accomplish his perfect plan in his perfect time for every one of his eternally beloved children. If everybody is married before you — fine. Your Father in heaven knows your needs. You are waiting on him to bring the right person. Impatience, Scripture teaches, always leads to bitter fruit. Young people: live by faith, not feelings. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust in him, and he shall bring it to pass (Ps. 37:5).
Conclusion: Marriage to the Glory of God
Gospel courtship — or a biblical pathway to marriage — is a collection of principles and activities aimed at finding and winning the right person to the honour and glory of God and his institution. It is not about your happiness. It is about his glory. And joy is the blessed fruit of glorifying God in all things.
How much more then this — the most important decision you will make in this life apart from repenting of your sins and trusting in the Lord Jesus Christ. Let us look to Christ Jesus for his great wisdom and guidance in these matters.